Tax Season Tribune

Feeling like if you are handed one more shoe box of receipts, you’ll likely launch them into outer space?

Halfway through the tax season and desperately needing a quick rejuvenating getaway to get through the dog days of March?

Well, for those of us living in Southern California, the answer may just be a few short hours away. And even if you don’t literally make it to the stars, you may be able to ride the sound waves to an altered state of mind.

I’ve lived in San Diego for 25 years now and thought I’d discovered all of the quirky out-of-the-way places to go, but last week I uncovered something that had previously escaped my radar: the Integratron.

Located near Joshua Tree National Park, the Integratron, a large white domelike structure, was built by George Van Tassel. Van Tassel was a former aviation engineer for Lockheed and Douglas Aircraft (of Howard Hughes fame), who felt compelled to build the structure after having had an encounter in 1953 with Solganda, a 700-year-old visitor from the planet Venus. The meeting occurred after Van Tassel had sat for several hours under Giant Rock, a seven-story high boulder in the Mojave Desert, to commune with Native American spirits.

According to Van Tassel, Solganda’s space craft landed on an airstrip located next to Van Tassel’s home and that Solganda wore a gray-one-piece bodysuit, spoke perfect English, and had come to Earth because “Earthlings’ reliance on metal building materials was interfering with radio frequencies and disrupting interplanetary ‘thought transfers.’”¹ But the greatest takeaway that Van Tassel got from his meeting with Solganda was that he was given a formula to build a “machine that would generate energy to suspend the laws of gravity, extend human life, and facilitate high-speed time travel.” Hence the Integratron, which took over 20 years to build.

Unfortunately, Van Tassel died in 1978, alas, not having been able to extend his life and, as far as we know, without having been able to time travel. However, all is not lost. Three sisters, originally from the East Coast, have purchased the Integratron. And although not claiming to offer exactly all that Solganda had promised, the sisters do offer amazing sound bath experiences that I’m sure can elevate you to another plane psychologically, make you feel younger (at least for a moment or two), and, most importantly, transport you away from your computers for at least a day or two.

I for one am signing up! Care to join me? Details are available at www.integratron.com/.

If you can dream it, you can sue someone for it. Footlong sub is only 11 inches?¹ Lawsuit. Texas Pete hot sauce is made in North Carolina?² Lawsuit. Mozzarella sticks don't actually contain any mozzarella?³ How dare you! Lawsuit.

Here are a few examples of products that failed to live up to lofty consumer expectations.

Burnt by the sun

Benjamin Careathers sued Red Bull for false advertising, claiming that while he knows that Red Bull won’t literally give you “wiiiiings,” it was dishonest advertising because Red Bull should give a higher energy boost than coffee.⁴ It turns out that Red Bull actually has less caffeine than an average cup of coffee. Careathers won, and Red Bull shelled out $13 million to customers. Anyone in the U.S. who bought at least one can of Red Bull (no proof of purchase required) was entitled to $10 cash or $15 worth of Red Bull product.⁵

Melting under pressure

Amanda Ramirez sued Kraft over the statement on the packaging of Velveeta Shells & Cheese Original Microwaveable that states “Ready within 3½ minutes.”⁶ She alleged that these instructions only describe the cooking time and fail to take into account the time it takes to remove the lid, add the cheese sauce, add water, and stir. Had she known it would take longer than the stated time, she claimed she never would have purchased the product. Ramirez was seeking $5 million, but a judge dismissed the case because she “suffered no injury.”

De minimis lime

Rachael Barnett sued Frito-Lay after her experience with their Hint of Lime Tostitos soured.⁷ Barnett argued that “she expected it would have more of the named fruit ingredient, not just for flavor but for its nutritive value.” Her claim argued people increasingly turn to snacks that provide a healthy indulgence through ingredients associated with positive health benefits. The case was voluntarily dismissed, indicating a probable settlement. Note: This was the same attorney that represented Ramirez in the Shells & Cheese case. Spencer Sheehan is apparently known mostly for going after vanilla-flavored products that contain no actual vanilla and is known as “the Vanilla Vigilante.”⁸

While it may seem like fast money, these types of suits are very often (rightfully) dismissed. But if the plaintiff does win, the settlement is probably taxable and don’t forget about attorney fees, which take up a minimum of 25% to 30% of the legal award/settlement. Remember that individual taxpayers can no longer deduct attorney fees and costs following OBBBA making permanent the repeal of the 2% miscellaneous itemized deduction. However, an above-the-line deduction from gross income is still available if the fees and costs are paid in connection with any action involving a claim of unlawful discrimination (the above suits no doubt would not fall into this category).